Wow. Something’s happening around me, and I don’t feel able to identify what it is.
I’m back in town, okay. Everything is supposed to be fine, but there’s something rolling inside my stomach that does not let me go on.
I’ve thought it could be I’m just tired of Madrid. I don’t feel like getting out since a long time ago, as I do usually, and sometimes I find myself looking for something different. Something I still don’t know, and it makes me feel anxious and pertinently sick.
Maybe I’ve lost my capability to abstract my mind and think further than tomorrow, but the truth is that I feel sunk in my routine of everyday. I do not want to get out, see people, or moving on from the house, but I neither want to stay here and make roots in the floor. And this situation makes me feel lonely and unwanted, even by me, but I feel like I’m just seeking and seeking, and getting disenchanted each look I take.
It’s obvious I’m moving through one of my crisis, yes, but it seems this year these crises are being more frequent, if they can.
My apathy is reigning inside, more each day, and we all know apathy is not the right way to anywhere. I don’t want to lose my ability to dream and find goodness in little things. I want to be just the way I was three years ago. What’s happened to me? What did change me and became me passive and a cynic? Because nowadays is a consequence, well, but I am afraid that tomorrow it’ll be a cause of many frustrations that, sincerely, I don’t want to find.
I think that’s the point, I’m getting frustrated, and I don’t really want to… Anyone else to replace me? Hands up..?